Hi, I am Sam. You can’t see me, but I can see you. I am alone in the dark. I am in a new world…….a world which is not familiar to you. I have no one here to share my feelings…..no one……no friends, no family... terribly lonely. I was a very generous person, always cheerful & with a smile on my face (as everyone says). I loved and cared my friends and my family. My family, it was my soul, my life, miss them a lot. I had a little sister, she was so sweet & she was everything to me. I was the beloved of all. I was really enjoying my life. Now I really miss all that……..
You may be wondering what the hell I am talking about. Why I am saying all this as if it’s the past? Yes, past… it is the past… my past. As I told you earlier, I am in a new world. I am an unfortunate person. I was always fortunate in my life except once. You may think I’m dead, you are right, I am not in your world now. Now I am talking from the grave. Seems unbelievable, but it’s true. You can’t find me anywhere in your world, you can’t see me, you can’t feel me. I am gone… gone forever. If you are interested to read more about me please continue… and if you don’t like fantasies please leave now… I need to talk to someone who feels the same way as I do, someone who understands me…
To know about me I shall take you back to my campus life… It was the happiest time of my life. I completed my higher secondary and joined a nearby college for my degree. It was really a fantasy world for me… a transformation from the disciplinary school life to a colourfull college life. I enjoyed every moment I got. I made a lot of friends there. We all had a good time together. But the twist in my life was not that. We usually go to college by bus. On the very first day, my eyes got stuck on a very cute and innocent looking girl, who was in the bus. At that time I don’t even know her. But something, felt deep down inside my heart. I lost the sense of surroundings for some time, but I just left it. I could understand it was just an infatuation. I carried on with my friends to the first day of college…
For my surprise, I saw the same girl, from the bus, in my class. “Wow”, I said to myself. I got to know that her name was Jennifer. In course of time we become good friends. I used to call her ‘Jenny’. We used to have a lot of good chats, we shared jokes and all. I was realizing the truth that she was something more than just a friend to me. Yes, I am in “LOVE”. I don’t know why, but she was deep down inside my mind. But we remained as good friends. I had never opened my heart to anyone, even to her …
It was for the first time I am experiencing such a feeling for someone in my life. I wanted badly to express my love to her, but I was afraid of her reaction. I don’t want to loose the relationship we shared. Time is a good racer… it wont wait for any body. We continued as good friends.
Two long years of my college were over by that time. We become more and more close to each other, she become very close to my heart. It’s our third and final year of college, only a single year left before me. I decided to open my mind to her before that. But it made me go crazy. If her reply is positive, then it’s okay but the thing that worried me was the other side. What if she says no? I just had two choices, either she will be mine or I will loose her for ever. That bothered me a lot. I couldn’t sleep that night. I lied on the bed staring at the darkness that filled my room and in heart. I slowly stood up, looked out through the window. I could see the leaves shivering slightly as the cool breeze touched it. It was full moon, I looked up and the moon seemed to me like it was smiling at me and winking its eyes. I slowly opened the window, a cool breeze blew in bracing my body. It was like a sweet hug from someone special, I could feel the wind in my hair. I felt good and I went back to bed. The silence of the night and cool breeze was like a sweet song, which led my way to the foggy valleys of sleep.
When I woke up next morning my mind was full of her. I slowly walked in our garden. I saw beautiful red rose and picked it from the garden and took it to my room. I planted it in a pot and placed it near my window. Suddenly a thought went through my mind, why can’t I leave this for luck. “when I get three roses together from this plant, that day, I will open my mind to her”. It was not a rose to me… it was my heart itself, which was glowing red at it’s end . On a calm night, when I looked at the rose, I saw a small bud on it. I became very happy& I stood awake fro the whole night to see the first bud blooming, but couldn’t. Days passed, I lost sleep at night. I spend the whole night thinking of Jenny and looking at the rose. My body becomes too weak due the lack of sleep. But it didn’t bothered me at all. Several nights passed by. One night I became too tired, I need sleep, badly. So I went to bed and tried to get some sleep. It almost worked & I slowly fell into sleep.
Finally, I got three roses from the plant. I carefully picked them & tied it together as a small bunch. That day I went to the college with the bunch of roses. I looked for Jenny everywhere. She was sitting there in the college garden reading some books. I ran to her and presented the roses to her. She accepted it with a smile, and said “Wow, its beautiful thanks. What are they for?”
“Jenny, these are no mere roses, it’s my heart. I wish to tell you one thing Jenny I LOVE YOU SO MUCH”, I spoke my mind out. I looked into her face. I saw her smile fade away and anger filling in her eyes. “Sam, how could you say that to me? You are my best friend, that’s why I gave you this much freedom. You just took it in the wrong way. You don’t know the value of friendship. Love is good to see in films & read in books, but not in life. We have our parents to take care of such matters. They will decide what’s best for us. You saw me with the wrong eye. So you don’t deserve to be my friend anymore. Get lost ;I don’t want to see you ever again. I HATE YOU… I DON’T WANNA SEE YOU ANYMORE”, she threw the roses on my face and walked away. I stood there with flooded eyes and a broken heart. Her words echoed through my ears… I lost her… lost for ever…
“Nooooooooooo………..”, I jumped out of the bed. “oh it…it was just a nightmare”, I whispered. I drank some water calm myself down. I felt a severe pain in my head. I looked at the clock and the nails where facing. The haunted memories of the nightmare and the head ache prevented me from sleeping any further. My mind was full of that nightmare. Will it become true? What will I do if it happened? I had no answer….
The next day I went to college. I saw her & talked to her as usual. But still that nightmare haunted me. By that time our second year exam results were out. What the hell? I had failed in three subjects out of five. That was a big blow for me. I never expected such a pathetic performance. I was afraid to go home that day… I was not sure what will be my parent’s reaction to this. At home, as I feared, my parents scolded me a lot…. They asked me for the reason for this. What could I tell? I had no answer. They were very depressed, that made me weak. I was not an excellent student, but always one among the best. I felt that pain again in my head. I couldn’t stand it. I finished my dinner and went to bed early. I went to my bedroom; as usual I looked at the rose. For my surprise I saw three small buds ready to blossom. “Wow”, I whispered. That sight made me relax. I went to bed. Then I felt a bit relieved from my grief. I don’t know I felt as if my mind was empty. I sensed a heavenly feel. “Tomorrow I have to wake early, pick those flowers I have to open my mind before her. So I need to sleep now”, I thought. The window was open, the cool breeze made me in extreme comfort. Slowly I felled into a deep sleep. That night I had a strange dream. I still remember that………
“I WAS STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF A GARDEN. A GARDEN MADE UP OF RED ROSES. LONG AWAY IN THE HORISON I COULD SEE THE DAWN. I FELT LIKE THE SUN IS SMILING AT ME. SUDDENLY A MILD BREEZE BRACED ME. “SAM, MY KID”, I HEARD SOMEONE CALLING MY NAME. I STARED BACK. I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES, IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. AN ANGEL… NO THE GODESS HERSELF. I STILL CAN’T DESCRIBE IT. WORDS ARE NOT ENOUGH FOR THAT. SHE SLOWLY WALKED TOWARDS ME. “SON, I AM A MESSENGER. I AM HERE TO TAKE YOU TO OUR WORLD. YOU ARE ONE AMONG US NOW. IT’S ME WHO CLEARED YOUR WORRIES. YOU DESERVE A CALM SLEEP TONIGHT MY DEAR. THIS PLACE NOW YOU ARE STANDING IS THE GARDENOF LOVE IN HEAVEN. WE HAVE MAINTAINED THIS GARDEN JUST FOR YOU.WHENEVER YOUR HEART CRIED FOR LOVE WE PLANTED A ROSE HERE, NOW IT’S OVER A MILLION ROSES HERE. THAT’S TOO MUCH FOR SOMEONE LIKEYOU MY KID. THIS IS YOUR GARDEN, BE HAPPY”, SHE SMILED AT ME AND KISSED ME ON MY FOREHEAD. SHE SLOWLY WALKED AWAY FROM ME AND VANISHED…” That was the dream. I still remember that because that was my best and last dream.
The rays of the rising sun touched my window panes. The three red roses shined like red rubies in those rays. But I never woke up from that sleep. That was my last sleep… a deep sleep from which no human can return. My life ended there… my dreams ended there… my families hope ended there. It was a stroke in my brain that caused this. The next day my body was moved to the church for funerals. I saw a big crowd of my friends, relatives and all. But I couldn’t find Jenny among them. I wondered why? But I had no answer… every one left the cemetery after my funeral… but she hadn’t come…
One week passed, on a fine evening, I saw a girl coming towards my grave. It was Jenny, my beloved. Her eyes were too weak and still wet. She stood in front of my grave. The granite stone shined like gold in the setting sun. In my tomb it was written like this.
SAM ABRAHAM
BORN: 18/05/1985
DIED: 12/07/2009
“You loved us very much, we loved you very much. But you left us so soon… leaving sweet memories and a lot of words unspoken”
MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PEACE
I saw her staring at the words. She slowly placed a bunch of roses above the words. The same kind of roses that I had for her. I can see her eyes flooding with tears. “Sam”, she began to speak. “My dear Sam, today one week passed without you in my life. I can’t bear this pain anymore. I know it’s too late but I can’t hold it in my heart any longer. I LOVED YOU VERY MUCH SAM, SILENTLY I WAS LOVING YOU. I know you had considered me only as a good friend, but you were more than that to me… you were my life, my soul, my dream, you were my everything. Now everything is lost, lost forever. I don’t know what to do Sam. But I have to say this at least now… otherwise I cant stay alive. I LOVE YOU SAM, I LOVE YOU………”, her words got washed away in her tears. The drop of tear on her cheeks shined like a pearl in the setting sun. she stood there in silence. What can I do? I just stood beside her. I know she can never feel me, but I stood there, and I couldn’t tell her how I had been feeling for her. Far away near the window panes in my bedroom, three roses bloomed and are waving there hands to her… that’s my love… its still alive through her…
This is what I have to tell you. Thanks for spending time to hear my story. Now I can rest peacefully………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
